Are you a Nikki or a Brittany?

It has been a whirlwind of a quarter, and I cannot believe final exams begin in 2 days. I had several posts regarding Kellogg, some even mostly written, but for various reasons ended up shelving them. Tonight however, in lieu of sleeping, I wanted to post, but surprisingly, this has nothing (or very little) to do with Kellogg.

One of my heroes growing up was Nancy Drew, girl detective. I loved her fearless feminism and the thrill of the mystery, and at a young age I had wheedled my parents into buying all 56 volumes of the original mystery series. I quickly ran through them, and after multiple reads was still hungry for more, so I stumbled upon a spin-off series, also by Carolyn Keene, called River Heights. Although not about Nancy, River Heights was a young adult series about Nancy's hometown and next door neighbor, and I was quite happy to dive in. I was disappointed that Nancy Drew did not feature in the series, besides a few guest appearances, and instead of mysteries the books showcased friendships and romances. I don't think I ever read past the first few books before moving on, but I remember being fascinated by the description of the tangled relationships in high school, and it has certainly left an indelible print on how I chart my course through social interactions.

The series stars two girls in the same high school, Nikki and Brittany. However, besides sharing the same classes and the same love interest, all similarities end there. Nikki is the classic All-American girl. Born with a silver-spoon in her mouth, she has the perfect life, the perfect family, the perfect angelic countenance and sweet personality. She is of course, a blonde-haired blue-eyed beauty. Which isn't to say Brittany isn't attractive, because she is as well, with her dark hair and brown eyes. But Brittany's life isn't all that easy, and she has had to scrap and fight her way up the high school pecking order. While Nikki received a shiny new convertible from her doting father on her 16th birthday, Brittany secretly waitresses at a disgusting restaurant in order to afford a second hand clunker. Brittany is very much about appearances, and envies Nikki's life and schemes to steal Nikki's [perfect, All-American] boyfriend away from him.

In this fictional world, Nikki is obviously the protagonist. She is kindhearted and virtuous, and naturally very popular. Brittany is popular too, thanks to a combination of her clever positioning and strategic maneuvering. However, I have to admit I always had a soft spot for Brittany. I felt bad when her carefully laid plans went awry, for one reason or another. Furthermore, I admit to sharing righteous indignation over Nikki's life being so effortless. Brittany is certainly not evil - she never sets out to inflict harm on people, she is just trying to get what she feels she deserves. At the same time, she's not exactly noble either - she only ever really looks out for herself and frequently doesn't appreciate what she does have because she always wants something better. I always felt a little guilty for being sympathetic to Brittany's cause, because Nikki was such a perfect angel. Where Brittany tried to plan life like a chess match, Nikki never harbored ulterior motives, and yet somehow always managed to come out on top.

To this day, I am still torn between the two, and who I should be identifying with. I am still cynical over the feasibility of Nikki's model in my world - a world of networking, rubbing elbows, and angling for visibility. And yet, the thought of manipulating relationships is distasteful, and I think "shouldn't I just let things happen naturally?" Brittany tries so hard, and Nikki doesn't try at all, and I'm just really not sure where I should be along that spectrum. I'm not even really sure it is a spectrum; maybe it has to be one or the other, and by trying to balance I am in effect spinning my wheels and going nowhere.

This dilemma presents itself to me frequently. If I'm interested in a guy, what's the right course of action? Brittany would find out as much information as possible about him (in this day and age, probably use Google!), seek out to make friends with his friends, and arrange things so she would coincidentally "run into" him. Nikki? The guy was probably interested in her before she ever knew about his existence! Similarly with networking, Brittany is the one working the room, making sure to make an impression on key decision-makers, whom she has likely done research on already. Nikki is talking to the people enjoys and with whom there is mutual sincere interest. I don't think it's so easy to say that Brittany is the active one and Nikki is simply passive, because Nikki is the genuine one, she is hardworking and true to herself. Shouldn't that the way we all be? If you were friends with Brittany, you would never really know how she felt about you, or what she is trying to get out of you, but she is also the one who is always on the lookout for opportunities, calculating, and with a steely resolve to climb to the top. Surely that should be rewarded?

I aspire to be Nikki, but I wonder if the world rewards Brittanies. I aspire to be Brittany, but then I feel drained, jaded, and I'm not even sure if it's worth it. I try to balance the two worlds, but then I wonder if I'm succeeding at neither.