Sunday, January 23, 2011

For the second time this quarter, it dawned upon me how much happier I am this quarter than last, and I think it is for several reasons.

- I feel like I am learning something from and am actively engaged in all of my classes
- I am sleeping 8-9 hrs a night, instead of 6-7
- I am moving on past a crappy relationship
- I give myself one day every week to be at home, alone
- I feel incredibly productive all around
- I am kinder to myself when I make mistakes
- I don't guilt trip myself (or am doing it less) for not living up to unrealistic expectations

What's amazing is I don't think I've taken on any less - I'm still taking 5 classes, one of which is a significant side project which just happens to be the most challenging thing I've ever done. I am definitely outside my comfort zone in a few areas, and am also giving up to 10 hours of case prep every week. But for some reason life just seems to be moving at a more manageable pace, where I am giving myself enough time to sleep and also focusing on getting discrete projects or tasks done. This makes me realize a few things - how much time I wasted last quarter tormented by a bad relationship, that I should dare to reduce what I take on because the benefits are tangible, and how important it is for me to find meaning in what it is I'm doing.

Part of being more self-reflective this quarter means (omg so fuzzy) being more in touch with my feelings, so I have definitely have had days of melancholy. Some of my best friends are on exchange this quarter, so I miss having them around and there's still lingering sadness over a few things I regret or wish I could change. But I am also filled with optimism - for example, one of the areas I have pushed myself in is networking with more people, both reaching out to strangers and staying connected with contacts from my past. The response, support, and advice I have gotten has been inspiring. I am glad I am taking the time to look inward because it gives me perspective, guidance, and the strength to face the outside world.